


Put a Ring On It

by agenteuler



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, Funny, I like to think I'm, Marriage Proposal, Wayhaught - Freeform, some minor wyndoc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-24 13:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15631317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agenteuler/pseuds/agenteuler
Summary: Waverly and Nicole are planning on proposing at the same time, and everybody knows it but them. Hijinks ensue.





	1. Chapter 1

“Waverly? Earth to Waverly!”

Wynonna waved Peacemaker in the air in front of her sister’s face. She’d been staring blankly into the wall behind Wynonna’s head, drumming her fingers slowly on the table. It was very unlike Waverly to be the spacey one at these meetings. She was usually the most chipper (chipperest?) of them all.

“Uh, what? Yes! No! Wait, what are we talking about?” Waverly snapped back into reality and sat up ramrod straight in her chair. She laughed nervously and looked around the room. Wynonna was relieved to see her dimples pop back into place. Phew. At least she wasn’t getting possessed again. Or glamoured by vampires. Or...well, any of the myriad things that had happened to them so far. 

“You were just about to tell us about your research into those symbols we found yesterday. You know, the creepy ones written in blood. Very spooky. Dead people, et cetera. Unless you’d rather daydream about Officer Haughtass.” Wynonna winked conspiratorially. 

Waverly shook her head and laughed again. “Uh, no. Focus. Right. Well, I found that the symbols were written in ancient Sumerian. This one is the symbol for a agriculture, and this one means, um...shit. What does it mean?” She scrunched up her nose and squinted at the photos lying on the table. “Gimme a sec. Is that one new?” 

Doc, leaning against the window of the Black Badge office in his usual nonchalant manner, raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure you are quite all right, Waverly?” he drawled. “Because you do seem a bit out of sorts this fine mornin’. I must color myself a bit concerned.” At the far end of the table, Jeremy nodded. His moustache bounced a bit like a weasel trying to escape his face. It was disturbing. Nonetheless, Wynonna agreed with them. The whole morning Waverly had been spacing out, and now she seemed to be having trouble remembering her research. And if there was one thing Waverly Earp never forgot, it was her research.

Wynonna put down Peacemaker on the desk and turned to face her sister. “Hey, I know you tend to do a lot of the research around here, but if it’s a bit much, let me know. I don’t want you to be doing all the grunt work. I can read, too. Maybe not Sumerian, but—”

“Oh, no, it’s not that.” Waverly said. “I mean, you’re right. I wasn’t quite as...comprehensive as I usually am. But I just got a bit carried away last night. I was doing...other research.”

Wynonna groaned. Nicole and Waverly were adorable together. Sickeningly so. But there were certain things that she just didn’t need to picture her little sister doing, and spending the night getting “carried away” while “researching” Nicole’s anatomy wasn’t one of them. “Nope. Nope. Never mind, say no more.” She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to erase the mental images. 

Waverly scowled. “No, dummy. That’s not what I mean. I have plenty of time for that all the time and still get all my work done.”

“Not helping.”

“Anyway,” continued Waverly, moving over to Jeremy’s side of the table, “I’ll have more on those Sumerian symbols this afternoon, I promise. But I did find something about germ cultures that Black Badge was trying to develop back in the ‘80’s. Jeremy asked me to look into it.” Wynonna had stopped paying attention by this point. It was one of those historical rabbit holes that Waverly and Jeremy like to go down. Nerds. It usually had a lot to do with obscure facts and dates, and not a lot of exploding brains or raging hellfire. She cast a look at Doc, who appeared equally bored. His moustache twitched, but it was definitely more sexy caterpillar than weasel. 

Wynonna stopped to think about that. Sexy Caterpillar? Could caterpillars be sexy? If so, were they sexier than weasels? She was internally wondering why such a comparison had popped into her head when she heard a squeal from the other side of the room.

“EEEEEE! HOLY MOTHER OF SHIT TACOS!” Jeremy appeared to be having some sort of manic fit, jumping up and down and looking alternately between Waverly and her laptop screen. Waverly, meanwhile, was frantically jabbing at the keyboard, apparently trying to close something down. Eventually, she gave up and just shut the computer, looking over at Jeremy with a sheepish grin. “Jeez, calm down...calm down, okay?”

“I KNOW WHAT SHE WAS RESEARCHING! I KNOW WHAT SHE WAS RESEARCHING!” Jeremy had calmed down a bit, but his hands were still shaking up and down in the air in front of him. Wynonna leaned back a bit. “Whoa there, science boy, I didn’t know old germ cultures were that exciting.”

“Nor did I,” chimed in Doc. “You are a most excitable fellow, my friend.”

Jeremy spun around to stare bug-eyed at Waverly, as though expecting her to reveal something. He was twitching and making little groaning noises, as though he could barely contain whatever information he had just gleaned from the computer. Waverly sighed and opened it back up. “Okay, okay, relax. I guess the cat’s out of the bag now.” She addressed Wynonna and Doc. “I was going to show him my research about the germ cultures, but I left up another page on accident. That’s why he’s going all...apoplectic. This is what I was researching last night.” She turned the screen around so they could see.

“ENGAGEMENT RINGS! SHE WAS RESEARCHING ENGAGEMENT RINGS!” This was Jeremy, finally unable to contain his excitement any longer. He smiled widely, as though all of his shipper dreams had finally come true.

The website currently onscreen was for engagement rings at Taylor-Raymond Jewelers, a shop in a nearby city. Of course, because it was Waverly, Wynonna could see what was easily another twenty tabs open, all for different jewelry venues. Knowing her sister, there was probably also a list somewhere, and possibly a cork board covered in pictures, pieces of string, and pros/cons T-charts. 

Waverly fiddled with her scarf. “I was going to tell you later, ‘Nonna, but apparently this is a whole-group kind of thing. You know, as long as Mr. Wayhaught Shipper over here can keep it under wraps.” She cast an amused glance at Jeremy, who looked like he was about to burst from excitement. 

He had stopped squealing at this point, but was still very worked up. “How long have you been thinking about this? When are you going to do it? Have you bought a ring? Does she know?”

Waverly fiddled some more. “I was just starting to think about it, actually. I don’t know, um, I’m actually kind of nervous about it, because I’m not really sure how to go about it…”

“I know!” cried Jeremy. “You could have a romantic candlelit dinner! Or—or—or—a picnic! You could have wine and put the ring in the wine glass, or, like, cook it into the cake, or—”

“Jeremy,” interrupted Doc, “I do not believe that you are helpin’ the situation. I am sure that Miss Earp has it under control.” He turned and nodded at Waverly. “And I am sure that you will find the perfect way in which to ask for Officer Haught’s hand. And she will accept, for it is quite obvious that she adores you. I do not know if I should advise you in how to pick out...ah, rings, but please do let me know if I can be of any other assistance.”

It was at this point that Wynonna was finally able to react to the situation. Having been properly startled out of her weasel/caterpillar debate by Jeremy’s squealing, she then began to process the fact that Waverly, her Waverly, her little sister, was going to get married, and continued to stare at the screen for several seconds. Then, it was her turn to squeal. And also attempt to suppress tears. Which turned out to be a rather odd and strangled affair, in which she tried to get up out of her chair and banged her knee on the table, falling sideways and crashing into the floor. It was, in all, a classic Earp maneuver.

Waverly rushed over. “Omigosh! Are you okay? Oh, that looked like it hurt…”

“You’re gonna get married!” This was the first thing that came out of Wynonna’s mouth as Waverly helped her to her feet. 

Waverly nodded and smiled. “Yeah, I am. I’m gonna get married! I mean, as long as she says yes. I don’t wanna, like, jinx it or anything.”

Wynonna did her best Earp eye roll through her tears. “What are you talking about? Of course she’s gonna say yes. You two are sickeningly cute and obviously made for each other. And she looks at you the same way I look at whiskey-ice-cream floats. Which is to say, she loves you. A lot. But still, we’re gonna plan a perfect proposal.”

Wynonna smiled a watery smile at her sister, who gave a watery smile back. She pulled her in for a hug. Jeremy, meanwhile, sobbed buckets in the corner. Such a hopeless romantic, that one. She did have one question for him, though.

“Hey, Jeremy!”

“What?”

“The mother of a shit taco—is that a shit sandwich, or just a normal taco?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly and Wynonna go on a bit of an adventure to get a ring. It doesn't go as planned.

Wynonna slumped forward and groaned into the table. She and Waverly were at the Homestead, and had been researching engagement rings since what seemed like the beginning of time. Waverly had already determined that Nicole would want something simple and understated, but was mulling slowly over about forty different options. 

“Why did I agree to do this with you again?” She mumbled into the wood.

“Because you’re a good sister.” said Waverly. “Hey, what do you think about this one?”

“Oh, god, please tell me you didn’t find another option.” Wynonna’s plea went unanswered. There were now about forty-one tabs open on the computer. “You’re going in circles, babygirl. You know she’s going to love whatever you get her, right?”

“I know, but—”

Suddenly, Wynonna sat upright in her chair. “I figured it out.”

“Huh?”

“Remember when Uncle Curtis died?” Wynonna asked. On second thought, maybe that wasn’t the best segue.

“Uh, yeah,” said Waverly. “He got killed by demons in his own home. It was memorable.”

“Right, right. Anyway, I figured out the ring. When he died, Gus buried their wedding rings with him, remember? I think her logic was that she wanted them to stay safe from revenants or something. But that’s the answer! You can get Gus’s ring, it’s perfect!”

Waverly blinked. “So...you’re saying that you want to exhume Uncle Curtis.”

“Those rings have so much family history, and Gus raised you. I’m sure she’d want you to have it.”

Waverly blinked again. “So...once again, we are digging up our dead uncle to rob his grave.”

“Oh, come on. It’s totally something the Earps would do. Nicole has seen us do much worse.”

Waverly shrugged. “Fair point.”

Three hours and six feet later, they were both panting and leaning on shovels, standing in the bottom of a hole on top of Uncle Curtis’s now-rickety wooden coffin. Wynonna looked over at her sister, who was covered in dirt from head to toe. She spat out a stray hair. “Girl, you look like shit.”

“Thanks, sis. You too. Now, shut up and let’s get this over with.”

Wynonna thought for a second, assessing the situation. “Here, why don’t I boost you up out of here. Then I can get the rings and pass them up to you, and you can help me...rise up from the grave.” She winked.

Waverly rolled her eyes at that, but she seemed relieved that she didn’t have to go digging around Curtis’s coffin. There was already a bit of an earthy smell wafting up to their noses, and Wynonna didn’t want her to throw up once they opened the lid. She cupped her hands together and motioned for Waverly to step up on them. The younger woman shuffled around so she was facing Wynonna, and stepped on her hands to be boosted up.

It was at this moment that all hell broke loose. Once Wynonna was holding up Waverly, the sisters’ combined weight proved to be too much for the rotten wood to bear. Wynonna heard a drawn-out cracking noise as her right foot plunged through the lid and into the coffin, followed by a horrible crunching sensation. 

“FUCK! OH GOD! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!” She screamed, realizing what had happened. She stumbled sideways into the wall, trying to keep her hands clasped together so Waverly didn’t fall back in.

“Wynonna?! What’s happening?” Waverly lurched to the side and scratched with her fingers for purchase on the ground in front of her. “Wynonna?”

“Oh, sweet holy mother of shit tacos. Oh, save me from this shit sandwich. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.” Wynonna muttered, grimacing. “Sorry, babygirl. I just, uh, may have brains on my boot. Here, let me boost you the rest of the way out.” She swung up her hands, but Waverly was either unprepared for it or still processing the information about her dear uncle’s brains. Either way, she swung backwards and fell back into the grave with a squeak. Her left hand went out behind her to stop her fall, but the force of the impact sent it straight through the coffin. 

Waverly froze. She stared at her hand, and then Wynonna’s foot, and then at her hand again. She was breathing heavily, as though she was attempting to fend off a panic attack. “Wynonna.”

“Yes?”

“My hand. Is in the coffin.”

“Yep.”

“It would appear that your boot is most likely in Uncle Curtis’s head.”

“Yep. It’s a pretty dire situation, babygirl.”

“Balls, Wynonna. The situation is balls.”

It was another ten minutes before they managed to carefully extract their various limbs from the splintered wood and scramble up above ground, whereupon they both sat, frozen still, on the piles of dirt they’d extracted earlier. Waverly was looking at her hand, which was covered in an disgusting substance that would probably be best left unidentified. Wynonna stared at her boot, which was covered in the same substance. Was it her imagination, or did it look...squirmier? Gah. And it had gotten on Peacemaker.

Finally, she spoke. “Well, that didn’t exactly go as planned.”

“No, Wynonna. No, it did not.” Waverly let out a little hysterical giggle. Wynonna’s mouth twitched a bit. She looked away. No, she would not laugh. This was not funny. 

A snort from Waverly drew her attention back. The younger girl was shaking. “Not funny. This shouldn’t be funny, right, ‘Nonna?”

Wynonna nodded seriously, then let out a snort of her own. The sisters stared at each other for several seconds, then burst out laughing at the same time. It was a little funny.

\------------------------------

“Maybe some more booze will help my aim.”

Wynonna took another swig from her flask and pulled the throwing knives out of the target. Two in the center circle, nine in the three outer circles this time. There was some room for improvement. She walked back toward Doc, waiting about twenty yards from the fence behind the Homestead. 

Doc raised his eyebrows. “That was actually very good. I do believe you are gettin’ the hang of it.” He placed one of the knives in her hand and adjusted it. “I think it may behoove you to rotate your wrist more towards your body.” He demonstrated, moving her arm with his.

“Taking up a new hobby?”

Doc and Wynonna stopped and turned around. Behind them, Officer Nicole Haught leaned against a tree. To a stranger, she looked like her usual, cool and collected self, but Wynonna sensed a bit of nervousness. Maybe it was just the cold and the snow. Haught was wearing just her thin uniform against the evening chill.

“Yeah, you never know. Might be useful. Doc said it’d be fun.” She sized up Nicole’s outfit. “Damn, Haught, you look cold.” She turned to Doc. “Hey, look, Haught’s cold.” Wynonna suppressed a giggle. She’d been waiting a long time to use that one. “Doesn’t Nedley let you guys wear anything...warmer?”

Nicole laughed, though she did sound a little pained at the use of that joke. “We do have jackets, but some guy threw up on it while we were taking him in for a DUI. Turns out he’d eaten nothing but Cheetos and beer all day. And I just got off work.”

“Damn. That’s rough.” Wynonna winced. “Hey, if you’re looking for Waverly, she left for Shorty’s like fifteen minutes ago. I figured you were meeting her there.” She and Doc had stayed behind to practice their knife throwing, amid...other things.

Nicole nodded and walked toward them with her hands firmly in her pockets. “Yeah, she’s there with Jeremy now. I was planning on going later. But, um, I was actually hoping to talk to you. Wynonna. Maybe inside.” She raised her eyebrows hopefully. Wynonna was instantly confused. She and Nicole were friends, but they usually hung out at Shorty’s or with the rest of the gang. Plus, the sheriff’s deputy was giving her weird vibes. Wynonna glanced at Doc, who tipped his hat at the two of them. “By all means, please do go converse. I will hone my knife throwing skills while I am waiting.”

Wynonna and Nicole walked into the dining room of the Homestead, where Wynonna leaned a hand on the table and scrutinized her sister’s girlfriend. “What’s up, Haught? Not to judge, but you’re giving off weird vibes. Strange juju, if you will.”

Nicole gulped. “Right. Sorry. Nothing’s the matter, I just...well, I have a question for you.” She paused, collecting herself. “Wynonna, I really, really love your sister. More than I’ve ever loved anyone, ever. Waverly is everything to me.”

Wynonna squinted. This was an odd confessional. Did Nicole know?

She continued. “I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to..to marry her. And I really want to get it right, because this is the only chance I get.” She paused briefly, as if to gauge Wynonna’s reaction. Wynonna just stared at her, trying to tell what she was getting at.

Nicole took a deep breath and kept going. “So, I, I want to propose to your sister. To Waverly. To ask her to marry me. And you’re her sister, so...I came here to ask for your blessing.” 

It took a second for the gears in Wynonna’s head to take in that information. Waverly had said she was planning to propose just recently. And now it looked like Nicole was doing the same thing. Seriously, how could anyone be that in sync? Was it witchcraft? Why did they have to be such a perfect couple?

“Wynonna?” Nicole, apparently a bit put off by Wynonna’s silence, was looking at her with a look of increasing panic. And not even the Earp heir could resist Nicole’s adorable redheaded panic face. “If you don’t want—”

“No! I mean, yes! I mean, no, don’t worry, because yes, absolutely, you have my blessing!” Wynonna blurted out. The look of panic on Nicole’s face quickly subsided into one of relief. “Yes, of course, you can marry my sister. Not that either of you needs my permission to do anything, but I approve. Wholeheartedly. You two complete each other, and I mean that sincerely.” She gulped and paused in her rambling. Were those more tears coming on? Nah. It was probably the whiskey. 

Nicole nodded and sighed in relief. It occurred to Wynonna that she may have been holding her breath the entire time. She smiled. “Yeah, I was going to marry her either way, but that means a lot, Wynonna. You’re the most important person in her life.” She stopped in a high-pitched kind of way.

“Haught, are you crying?”

“Come on, Earp, I’m not crying. Are you crying?”

“Be real, Haught, I’m not crying.”

“Okay, that’s good, because I’m definitely not crying either.”

“Yep. No crying here.”

Wynonna stepped forward and wrapped the taller woman in a somewhat wet hug. “Okay, I might be crying a little bit.”

“Me, too. Oh, and I got the perfect ring. Want to see?” Nicole stepped back, brusquely wiped her eyes and pulled out her phone. “I went to talk to Gus about this, too. She said that she buried her wedding rings with Curtis, but kept the engagement ring to pass on. She gave me the ring for Waverly. It’s really beautiful.”

Wynonna’s jaw dropped. “Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” 

“What?” asked Nicole, sounding worried. “Is that okay? Is it cursed or something, or—”

“Oh! No. No, no, I was just, um, surprised, that’s all, because I...didn’t know she still had it. But that’s good! I’m glad she gave it to you. It was a great idea. Waverly’s going to love it.” Wynonna said, trying to cover up her slip. She was going to be chatting with Aunt Gus later, that was for sure. 

Nicole nodded warily. “...Okay. Well, here’s a picture of it.” She held up a picture of the ring on her phone. It was simple but striking, with an intricate diamond and a rose-gold band. Nicole was right, thought Wynonna. It was perfect. 

She nodded and smiled at the officer. “She’s going to love it. And listen carefully now, because I’ll never say this to your face again. But I love you, too. In a nice, sister-in-law-y kind of way.” She gulped. “Now get out before I start crying again.”

Nicole nodded, smiling. “Thanks, Wynonna.” She then headed out, presumably to Shorty’s to meet Waverly and Jeremy. And as she left, it occurred to Wynonna that the situation had just gotten pretty damn complicated. Shit.


	3. Chapter 3

wynearp77 created the new chat All Hell Has Broken Loose!

wynearp77 added sciencerific, hollidazzle2, and gusmccready to the chat!

 

**wynearp77** : first order of business, gus i thought u buried ur engagement rings with uncle curtis

**gusmccready** : Well, I buried the wedding rings with your uncle. But I kept the engagement ring. I assume you’ve spoken with Officer Haught? Love, Aunt Gus.

**wynearp77** : yes i have and it was great

but omg you should tell your niece these things

do u know how hard it is to clean brains out of those ridges on peacemaker

**sciencerific:** Should I even ask

**wynearp77:** long story jeremy ill tell u later

**hollidazzle2:** If I may ask, Wynonna, what is the meaning of this group chitchat?

**sciencerific:** Well actually it’s just a chat not a chitchat

**wynearp7:** nicole just asked me for my blessing cuz she wants to propose to waverly

**gusmccready:** That’s wonderful! She talked to me as well. I think they make a lovely couple. Love, Aunt Gus.

**hollidazzle2:** Does this mean that our target practice is over? Because I am rather cold out here.

**wynearp77:** no ill be out in a sec

**sciencerific:** omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg

Aucini hummus succulent iuecnigaga monkey

Whoops sorry dropped my phone and spellcheck went to town

This means they’re both gonna propose omg what

**wynearp77:** i know jeremy i know

im freaking out

**gusmccready:** Oh, my. This is quite the quandary. Do you know who is planning on proposing first? Love, Aunt Gus.

**wynearp77:** no i have no idea

i guess we’ll see

**gusmccready:** Perhaps it would be best to step back and let whichever one proposes first propose first. Either way, they will certainly end up engaged. Love, Aunt Gus.

**sciencerfic:** Yeah, but still it’s driving me crazy

**wynearp77:** right right and it’s not like we can tell them about it

we just have to see how it plays out

not my strong suit

**hollidazzle2:** You are correct. That is not your strong suit. I am currently laughing my ass off.

**wynearp77:** ???

**hollidazzle2:** Jeremy was teaching me sayings to use while texting the other day. Did I not use it correctly?

**sciencerific:** Well it was a start

**wynearp77:** dear lord

**gusmccready:** Oh, Waverly was telling me about these. I believe that you are supposed to type LMAO instead of spelling it out. It’s an acronym. Love, Aunt Gus.

**sciencerific:** You’re definitely making progress Doc

**hollidazzle2:** Why, thank you, Jeremy. Modern technology never ceases to amaze me.

**wynearp77:** i cant handle you three anymore

ill update you on the wayhaught situation if anything else happens

ciao

 

\-----------

 

“So, these four symbols here appear to represent names and dates, three of which I have managed to match with the photographs in the red folder to Doc’s left…” Waverly was on a roll. Wynonna leaned forward and looked at the old photographs that her sister had managed to dig up from god-knows-where. They were hot on the trail of a gang of revenants who’d been alive since Edwin’s time. “...and if we go and investigate that warehouse tomorrow morning, we should be able to see if that’s where they’re hiding out.” 

 

Wynonna laughed and clapped her hands. “Easy-peasy! We waltz in before noon, bust some revenant ass, get out by lunch. You’re the best, sis. Anything else?” She looked around the room. Jeremy raised his hand.

 

“Seriously, Jeremy? This isn’t high school.”

 

He put it down and gave a sheepish smile. “Okay, so it’s not about the revenant gang, but I know you’re still planning a proposal,” — he nodded at Waverly — “and I wanted to know if there were updates.”

 

Waverly smiled conspiratorially and leaned in to the table.. “Okay, so actually, I was thinking of keeping it simple and doing it at Shorty’s. You know, since it’s kind of like a second home to us. And it’s where Nicole and I met.” Jeremy contained a squeal. “And it’ll be our anniversary in a couple weeks. We were talking about having a get-together with the whole gang to celebrate. I’m gonna do it then.”

 

“You and Haught were...both planning this anniversary party? Together?” Jeremy asked. Wynonna could see the gears turning in his head. He was trying way too hard to sound nonchalant with that question. The man was a top-tier scientist for a clandestine government organization, but this seemed to really be testing his secret-keeping limits.

 

Waverly looked at him quizzically. “...Yeah. Nicole’s actually been talking about it for a few weeks. I think it would be fun. Ooooo, we could even get a piñata!” She grinned enthusiastically. “Like that baby piñata we got for Wynonna, but we could make it something else. Like a Stetson. Or a vagina. Or a giant heart-shape. Or it could just be our faces—”

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, sis. I’ll leave the piñata picking to you and Nicole. And where do you  _ get _ these things? Do you have some underground supplier of infant, Stetson, and vagina piñatas?” Wynonna tried to picture what a vagina piñata would even look like. She quickly regretted that decision.

 

Waverly winked. “I know a guy.” Wynonna decided not to ask.

 

“Anyway,” Waverly continued, “I’m thinking I’ll wait a few hours, then say some kind of code word. Like...like ‘unicorn.’ Oh! Or ‘puppy.’  That’s the signal for Wynonna to give me the ring so I can propose!”

 

This was when Jeremy jumped in, almost saying something very stupid. “But what if Nicole —” Wynonna gave Doc a terrified look. Luckily, he got the gist, and stomped on Jeremy’s foot. Hard. The scientist let out a squeak and doubled over a bit, but overall did a good job of hiding the pain. 

 

“What Jeremy means to say,” said Doc, “Is what if Nicole hears such a code word as ‘unicorn’ and is desperately confused? Perhaps it would be better to, say, call for a toast.” Wynonna breathed a sigh of relief. That was close. She didn’t want Waverly to find out about Nicole’s plans and ditch her own, and then have to pretend to be surprised when the moment came. That would burst everyone’s bubble. 

 

Waverly nodded. “Thanks, Doc. Yeah, that’s a better plan. I’ll just call for a toast, Wynonna gives me the ring, and I propose then.” The hypothetical ring, of course. Wynonna and Waverly were still perusing the selection at local jewelers after the disastrous, brains-covered mission to Curtis’s grave. They had it narrowed down to an easy seventy or so candidates by this point.

 

“Oh, actually, speaking of rings,” said Jeremy, remembering something. “If you’re still looking for one, I’ve got an old friend from undergrad when I was studying chemistry. He’s a gemologist now with a jewelry store in California. He told me he’d be willing to customize something for you for no extra cost. He owes me a favor.”

 

Wynonna stared at him. “What kind of favor?”

 

Jeremy shrugged. “There was a gem-smuggling ring involved. Let’s just say that now I know how to escape from the trunk of a car.” He paused. Wynonna stared at him some more. He did not elaborate. She made a mental note to learn more about Jeremy’s many layers later. The man was like an onion. “So,” he continued, “You could put a message on it or something, and customize the diamond and stuff.” 

 

It was a good plan. Waverly agreed enthusiastically, and the four of them began scrolling through designs on Jeremy’s computer. Well, actually, Doc excused himself to go “shoot things” (the man didn’t have the best history with rings), and Wynonna decided to sit in the corner, twirl Peacemaker, and take the opportunity to down a bottle of brandy she’d been holding this whole meeting. So really, it was just Waverly and Jeremy, who seemed much better suited to help Waverly with ring-shopping anyway.

 

In the end, they decided on a platinum band with emerald studs, an elegant square diamond, and the message  _ Where you go, I go. _ Naturally, this particular touch made Jeremy start bawling all over again. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really feel like Jeremy has a convoluted past. Also, can you say JEROBIN? Robin's not in this fic because I wrote most of it before episode 4, but he's definitely going in another one. #unicornsarereal


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is from Jeremy's POV, because I think Nicole and Jeremy would be an awesome brOTP. And also because I couldn't find a way to get Wynonna in on the conversation.

 

**officerhaughtass:** Hey jeremy you at the bbd office?

**sciencerific:** Yuppers, just dissecting some demon goo. Wassup

Also your username still cracks me up man

**officerhaughtass:** haha very funny waverly chose it when she made me get snapchat and I wouldn’t change it for the world

**sciencerific:** Uh huh

You don’t know how to change it do you

Do you

Nicole

**officerhaughtass:** well

no

but still

Anyway you got a sec I just got off of traffic duty

**sciencerific:** Absolutely, anything for my fave future purgatory...sheriff

**officerhaughtass:** oh no here it comes

jeremy

**sciencerific:** I SHOT THE SHERIFF

**officerhaughtass:** stop

**sciencerific:** BUT I DID NOT SHOOT THE DEPUTAYYY

That’s you

**officerhaughtass:** How long are you going to keep doing this

**sciencerific:** At least another couple months

 

Jeremy giggled as Nicole walked into the BBD office. She looked at him crossly, but he could tell that she was trying not to laugh. He decided not to sing it out loud, just to be safe. “What’s up? Ooooo, how’s the proposal planning going?”

 

Nicole tilted her head sideways, surprised. “How’d you know about that? I was actually just about to tell you.”

 

“Oh! Uh, Wynonna told me.” 

 

Nicole shrugged. “Anyway, Waverly and I are planning an anniversary party at Shorty’s two weeks from Saturday, and I’d like to do it then. You know, with the whole gang there.” 

 

This, Jeremy realized, he was not supposed to know yet. He did his best to act surprised. “Awesome! That’s a great idea.” 

 

Nicole took out a small box from her jacket. “This is the ring. I was hoping you’d hold on to it until the party, then bring it the day of. Just so she doesn’t find it on me and ruin the surprise. Then you can give it back to me and I’ll propose a toast and, well, also just propose.”

 

Jeremy was touched. He and Nicole had been developing a steady friendship over the past few months, especially since they started working on the BBD case files together. They had those mostly worked out now, but they’d been spending a fair amount of time together ever since. Nicole had even let him win a couple games of pool; that was a sure sign that she liked him. And now she was entrusting him with her girlfriend’s engagement ring.

 

“Yeah. Absolutely. I’ll keep it safe and sound. Snug as a bug in a rug with a slug.” He reached for the box. Nicole saw his hand and held it close to her body.

 

“Jeremy? You have demon goo on your hands.” 

 

He looked down. Nicole was right; he was covered in it. His phone was covered in it. In fact, the entire workspace was covered in demon goo. 

 

Nicole pulled a face. “What’s it even from?”

 

“Oh, just your typical run-of-the-mill giant evil snail. We found it in a warehouse yesterday, there was a revenant gang keeping it as a guard or something. Didn’t find the revenants though, so that’s fun. Why don’t you put the ring in my bag? It’s over by the door—yeah, that one. Right in the front pocket. Awesome.” 

 

Nicole did as Jeremy said.  She laughed as Jeremy explained how they’d finally defeated the snail: while Wynonna and Doc held it off, he and Waverly had driven to the nearest store and bought all of their salt, and then driven back and thrown it at the snail in handfuls until it shriveled up. It was a snail, after all; it had moved all of fifty feet by the time they got back.

 

“.....So, basically, I’m dissecting it. For science.” Really, his reasoning was about 13% “for science” and about 87% because he like dissecting things. Nicole peered over his shoulder.

 

“Is that a lung? Damn, does its lung go above its head?” she asked.

 

Jeremy nodded. “Want to see more?” He knew that as much as she grimaced, Nicole liked dissecting things too. It was one of the many things he liked about Nicole. She had a healthy appreciation for slimy demon innards.

 

“Hell yeah. Hand me a scalpel?”

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Wynonna watched as Nicole struggled to hang a vagina-shaped piñata from the rafters. Well, Nicole and Jeremy; the scientist was precariously perched on the cop’s shoulders, holding a massive pussy above his head. (Apparently the only ladder Doc owned had been broken in the last revenant battle). It was definitely a sight.

 

Wynonna reached into her jacket pocket to feel for the box with Nicole’s ring in it. There it was. She fidgeted nervously, but stopped as Waverly walked in the door carrying approximately five hundred sandwich platters. Okay, not quite that many, but a lot. 

 

“Hey, Wynonna!” she called. “There’s a cake in the truck if you want to grab it. Pretty please?” 

 

Wynonna nodded and helped her set down all the sandwich plates, then headed out to the truck and got the cake. It was a large, chocolate affair with lots of rainbow icing and the cursive label “Wayhaught-iversary.” She rolled her eyes, but secretly loved it. It was very appropriate to the occasion. She headed back in to Shorty’s and placed it on the bar next to the sandwiches. 

 

“Aha!” Wynonna looked over as Jeremy finally managed to tie the piñata onto the ceiling and Nicole let him down with a huff. She rolled her shoulders. From across the bar, Wynonna could see Waverly bite her lip as Nicole twisted, loosening up. Her sister headed over to the redhead and gave her a kiss on the neck, then made some comment that made Nicole laugh (probably about how wonderfully strong and capable she was, hanging vaginas from the ceiling). Gah.

 

After everything was set up, the party began in earnest. Nedley even came, and Doc beat him easily in three out of three games of pool. Wynonna, meanwhile, helped herself to the banana liqueur (It was nasty, but she had to stay away from the whiskey or she’d be too drunk to experience her sister’s engagement).

 

Finally, everyone congregated in the main room to get pieces of cake, and Waverly sidled over to Wynonna.

 

“Puppy!” she muttered quietly behind the older woman’s ear.

 

Wynonna raised her eyebrows, even though Waverly was behind her and couldn’t see her. “Seriously? ‘Puppy’? I thought we agreed on no code word.”

 

“Doesn’t matter. Just give me the ring when I look over at you during the toast.” 

 

As Wynonna reached into her coat pocket and handed Waverly the box, she saw a similar scene unfolding across the bar. Nicole was talking to Jeremy, who was nodding as discreetly as he could. Which wasn’t that discreet, considering that he was looking directly at Wynonna as though he were about to explode. She tried to give him a look that said  _ Just wait and see how it plays out. It’ll be fine. _ He bounced a little, turned to Nicole, and gave her an encouraging look.

 

Within two seconds of each other, Nicole and Waverly both grabbed their empty whiskey glasses and clinked them with the silverware. 

 

Waverly laughed. “Go ahead, baby.”

 

Nicole shook her head and motioned toward Waverly. “No, you go. I can go after you.”

 

“Seriously, it’s all right. You go.”

 

Wynonna rolled her eyes. “Oh, for the love of—”

 

_ BANG _ . The doors to Shorty’s blew open in what could only be described as a massive fireball of an explosion. Wynonna vaulted over the bar, pulled out Peacemaker, and crouched so that she could point it at the entrance. Looking to her right, she saw that Nicole and Waverly had done the same. They were all sheltering behind the bar like it was some kind of rampart for alcoholics, pointing various shooting implements at the doorway: Nicole with her sidearm, Wynonna with Peacemaker, and Waverly with...a sawed-off shotgun? Where the hell had she been keeping that?

 

Doc, Jeremy, and Nedley had overturned a pool table and also had their eyes trained on the entrance. The thing was, no one had yet appeared in it. 

 

“What the hell…?” muttered Wynonna, confused. She was starting to feel woozy. 

 

“Ah, crapsticks,” Waverly said next to her. Nicole and Wynonna turned to face her, slowly. Wynonna could tell that the cop was also feeling dizzy. Waverly had set down the shotgun and was pointing at something in the corner. Upon further examination, it looked like some kind of grenade or smoke bomb. 

 

“Must havvveee….dizzy gas,” giggled Nicole.

 

Wynonna nodded, also finding the situation oddly hilarious, and the world went black.

 

\-----------------

 

Wynonna awoke to see three ugly-looking revenants rummaging through her stuff. 

 

“Hey!” Jeremy, apparently already awake, shouted indignantly at them. “Hey! That’s not yours!” He couldn’t do anything, though, because they were all tied to chairs in the basement. Wynonna could see the team slowly waking up from whatever stupor they’d all been in.

 

The revenants turned around to face the group. The one on the left, with a large tie-dye T-shirt and a bandana, grinned in Jeremy’s face. “It is now, sonny boy,” he snarled, revealing grimy yellow teeth and demon breath for days. The entire row of prisoners gagged.

 

The revenant to Tie-Dye’s right, a man who looked like what would happen if Hagrid became a pirate, spat at Jeremy’s feet, but missed. 

 

“Yah killed Snaily!” roared Pirate Hagrid. “An’ yah’ll pay for that! He was the best guard demon there ever was!” 

 

“Wait,” said Jeremy guiltily. “That thing’s name was...Snaily? How...creative.” Pirate Hagrid didn’t seem to take the compliment well. He glared at Jeremy and waggled a knife at him.

 

“Oh, yes, we will have vengeance for the death of Snaily,” said Pirate Hagrid. “We’ve got the Earp heir and all her little cronies right here. No one to come help them. This way we can pick all ya’ll off one by one while the heir watches, slow and painful-like.” He and Tie-Dye sniggered. 

 

Wynonna took stock of the situation. Waverly was tied directly to her left, followed by Doc and Nedley. To her right was Nicole and Jeremy. She desperately tried to come up with a plan, but before she could, she heard a slight scuffle to her right. Nicole scooted her chair just an infinitesimal amount towards Wynonna, clearly trying to communicate something with her wide green eyes. She mouthed something. 

 

Wynonna tried to interpret what the redhead was trying to tell her.  _ Lack? Lot? Sog? _ She tried to mouth these words back to Nicole, but it only confused the situation more. Nicole shook her head, exasperated. She moved her eyes quickly and pointedly toward her foot, which she wiggled.  _  Dance? Footie? Does she want me to kick something? _

 

Nicole could tell Wynonna wasn’t getting it. Unfortunately, Tie-Dye had caught on to the women’s little game of charades, and came stalking over to them. 

 

“What’s going on here, pretties?” He kicked Nicole in the shin, and she grimaced in pain, trying to keep in a groan. “Are you trying to escape?” He laughed and dangled Peacemaker in front of Wynonna’s fuming face with a gloved hand. “Can’t do that without your precious trinket, can you?”

 

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY FIAN—GIRLFRIEND, YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!” screamed Waverly. She lunged for Tie-Dye, which might have turned out in her favor had she not been tied to a chair. As it was, she skidded sideways and knocked Wynonna over so that the older sister toppled over onto the ground, landing entirely and painfully on her right shoulder.

 

Suddenly, the last revenant, a short and beefy man with no shirt and too much chest hair, stood up from the pile of everybody’s stuff and yelped in excitement. “Hey! Check it out!” 

 

This, at least, caused Tie-Dye and Pirate Hagrid to turn around and stop tormenting the prisoners. “What is it?” barked Tie-Dye. 

 

“It’s a diamond ring!” whooped Chest Hair. “We could pawn this baby and get a fuckin’ flatscreen. Holy shit–TWO rings!” He raised his meaty fists in the air, each holding a box. 

 

“YOU SICK SHITEATER, YOU PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW!” screamed Waverly, at the same time that Nicole yelled, “THAT BELONGS TO MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU—” They stopped and looked at each other.

 

Meanwhile, Wynonna, from her new vantage point on the floor, realized what Nicole had been trying to tell her earlier.  _ Sock _ . She keeps a gun in her  _ sock _ , something that the demonic idiots currently arguing over what to buy with their newfound fortune had apparently overlooked. She’d been trying to scoot closer to Wynonna so the brunette could grab the gun, which was out of reach for Nicole’s bound hands.

 

Waverly and Nicole now both realized what they’d inadvertently done with their anniversary party, but didn’t have time to react. Now facing partially towards the back of the room, Wynonna could see that Jeremy had managed to untie his hands and was freeing Doc without looking too noticeable. There was only one thing to do. 

 

“JEREMY! NICOLE HAS A GUN IN HER LEFT SOCK!” Wynonna screamed as loud as she could. This was sure to catch the attention of the revenants, but then again, it was sure to catch Jeremy’s attention as well.

 

At that point in time, Wynonna was a bit high on adrenaline. But later, she’d have to hand it to him; Jeremy was hella cool in that moment. He heard Wynonna, turned around, and dove around Nicole, who twisted her foot to be closer to Jeremy’s hand. Tie-Dye growled and leaped at him, but Jeremy managed to get the gun and shoot him in the face. All right, thought Wynonna. That buys us a few seconds.

 

Doc, already partly untied by Jeremy, then took advantage of the chaos to stand up and run himself backwards into the wall, smashing the chair into tiny pieces and setting himself free of the ropes. He grabbed two nearby beer bottles and smashed them in Pirate Hagrid’s face, then handed the neck of the jagged bottles to Nicole and Wynonna so they could cut themselves free. 

 

Waverly, taking a page from Doc’s book, spun herself around to hit Chest Hair, knocking him over with what was probably 10% body weight and 90% sheer force of will. Nedley did the same to Pirate Hagrid, though probably with a little more body weight behind it. Jeremy shot both revenants with all he had while Nicole scrambled for Peacemaker and slid it across the floor to Wynonna. 

 

Of course, once Wynonna had her hands on her gun, the fight lasted all of another fifteen seconds before all three revenants had been provided with a one-way ticket back to the pits of hell. 

  
  


\-----------------

 

The team stood in the middle of the now-destroyed basement of Shorty’s.

 

“Goodness gracious,” said Doc, “Those rat-faced bastards have gone and left scorch marks in my floor on their way to hell. This is most unfortunate.”

 

Wynonna let out a short laugh. “Well, that was one heck of a party. Very...Earpy.”

 

Jeremy rushed over to where the revenants had left their things and rummaged through it until he found the boxes. He, Wynonna, Doc and Nedley wandered over to where Nicole and Waverly stood, facing each other.

 

“You were planning this to propose?  _ I _ was planning this to propose!” laughed Waverly. 

 

Nicole nodded. “I guess it was just meant to be, huh?”

 

Waverly kissed her girlfriend hungrily, the sort of  “I’m-so-glad-we-didn’t-get-killed-by-demons” kiss that made Wynonna cringe and try not to look. When she pulled back, she smiled. “But I still have a speech and everything. And I’m still gonna give it, if that’s okay.”

 

Nicole smiled back. “Only if I get to give my speech, too.”

 

Waverly laughed. “Okay.” She took a deep breath. “Nicole, I can’t begin to express how grateful I am that you are in my life. You...you made me feel worthy and beautiful and good when I needed it most. We may be bound to the Ghost River Triangle, and it may be our fate to fight these hairy hippie demons, but if that means my fate is also to love you, then it’s worth it. Because I...I do love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, however long or short that may be.”

 

Wynonna tried to suppress a sob. This was too much for her tough-girl exterior.

 

“Nicole Haught, will you marry me?”

 

“Yes! Yes, of course I will!” There was more kissing at this juncture. Nicole pulled back and wiped at her eyes. 

 

“Okay, my turn,” she said. “Waverly Earp, you are the most extraordinary woman I’ve ever met. You are my rock, my solace, my home in all this madness. You are strong, whip-smart, a total badass, and drop-dead gorgeous.” She gulped. “I love you, Waverly Earp. And I know we were meant to be together. Will you marry me?”

 

“Yes!” Waverly bounced up and down excitedly and leaped into her fiancée’s arms for more smooching. So much smooching, thought Wynonna. Well, might as well get used to it at this point.

 

Suddenly, Waverly hopped back and looked around. “Oh! The rings!” she said. It was almost an afterthought at this point, really. She and Nicole had each other. The rings would be a nice addition, though. “Do we still have them?”

 

“Yep!” Jeremy shuffled forward and, through his tears, handed Waverly the right box. Waverly pulled it out and showed it to Nicole. “So, these emeralds, I thought they’d match your eyes. We can take it back if you want, of course—” 

 

Nicole stopped her with a finger to her lips. “It’s perfect, baby. It really is. What does it say?”

 

“‘Where you go, I go.’”

 

“Nothing more romantic than a constant reminder of that time you fought off an army of demons to blow yourselves up in a barn,” quipped Wynonna. That earned a snort from Doc, but the lovebirds didn’t hear her. Nedley just looked confused.

 

Jeremy handed the other ring to Nicole, who opened it for Waverly and slid it onto her finger. “I got this from your Aunt Gus. She told me she was saving it for one of you, and she wanted you to have it.” Waverly’s jaw dropped as she spun to face Wynonna. Nicole looked nervous. “But that doesn’t mean we have to—”

 

“Wynonna, I disinterred my dead uncle for this ring! You said she buried it!” Waverly cried.

 

Wynonna held her hands up guiltily. “I didn’t know! She must’ve changed her mind!” 

 

Nedley shook his head. “You what?”

 

“I’m sorry, babygirl.” said Wynonna. “But hey, someone got it eventually, right?” She turned to Nedley and muttered, “Another time. There were brains involved.”

 

Nicole looked between them, the puzzled expression on her face growing every moment. Waverly shrugged and laughed and turned toward her fiancée. “It’s a long story, babe. Bascially, Wynonna and I were trying to get the ring for you but we couldn’t find it. But I’m glad Gus gave it to you.”

 

“You wear it better than me, anyway.” Nicole flashed a dimpled smile and winked.

 

“Oh, psshhh.” Waverly gave her a coy look and blushed. It was true, though, Wynonna thought. It did suit her. 

 

When she looked back, Nicole and Waverly were once again locked in a heated battle of the lips, not devoting much energy to propriety. Wynonna thought about gagging or interrupting them, but instead motioned to the others to start picking up the broken chairs and shattered glass a bit. Plenty of time for that later.

  
  



End file.
